38 yer olds are good kisserssss
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
