Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
