Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
me + whiskey = a bad person
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
