I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
