He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm sobbing to NWA
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
