things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
