Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
