no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
