went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
