It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i was born a porn star she said
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
