In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
