we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
