dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
