Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't put those talents on a resume
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
