he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize