I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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