I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
