We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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