Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
