a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
