there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
