which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
