I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
