I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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