yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
