I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
birth control should be required to get into college
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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