I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize