Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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