Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This house was built for laser tag.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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