You're completely useless in the revolution.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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