I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
