he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
