this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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