I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
