pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
