why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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