my vag is so smooth its legendary
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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