Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
