I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
