Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
