Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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