I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
