Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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