i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
