So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
