I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
