I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sorry about my life...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
