and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
