I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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