Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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