Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
