I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
