batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
