You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
