I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
