im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
