Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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