my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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