I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
