I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
