I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
