worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
