We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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