third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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