im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
