gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Only a mothe r could love this liver
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
