I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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