im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
