Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize