hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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