who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
