Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
