i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
