I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
