Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
