I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
