the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
