Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
