When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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