When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
